My Teaching

Chapter 17- CLICK HERE 

Psalm 23:4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

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Live or Die, I Am the Lord’s

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I could write an entire book about 2020 to 2022, the years I spent with an undiagnosed sickness. The damage from addiction and the many concussions caused by boxing, street fighting, and car accidents had finally caught up with me. It got so bad that dark, hopeless thoughts overwhelmed me.

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When I moved off the street into my new apartment, I thought I was finally safe. I did not realize I was about to walk through the deepest valley I had ever known, a season of relentless pain, exhaustion, and confusion that would test my faith more than anything before.

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The sickness hit without warning, taking me out for a week or two at a time and leaving me completely drained. Then, as soon as I recovered, I jumped back into my routines, working out, filming videos, and returning to street outreach. When I was out there, I felt alive and strong, full of purpose.

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But the cycle repeated for two years. After a few weeks of good health, another wave would hit, leaving me barely able to get out of bed. On some days, tears streamed down my face as I shuffled through the grocery store.

My forehead burned with such intense heat that cold, wet rags brought no relief. At the same time, the back of my head felt numb and cold as ice. Yet every time I went to the hospital, they could not find anything wrong.

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I was desperate and often brought to tears. Yet even then, I never believed God had abandoned me. I felt His comfort every single day and knew He was testing me in ways I did not yet understand. What weighed on me was not His absence, but the uncertainty of how long the suffering would continue. I knew that the same God who had healed my eyes would somehow bring me through this overwhelming season.

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Many days I lay alone in the dark, enduring the pain while trying to untangle the extreme faith teachings I had absorbed growing up watching Word of Faith televangelists. God’s presence was never in question, but I still wrestled to reconcile what I had been taught about healing with the reality of the suffering I was living through.

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I grew up in the Word of Faith movement and later graduated from Rhema Mexico, a Word of Faith Bible school. I deeply love my family and friends who remain part of this movement. I believe the most loving thing we can do for one another is speak the truth in love, and it is with this conviction that I have chosen to share my story of suffering.

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I was taught, and I believed, that if I had enough faith I would be healed. I believed that healing was guaranteed, and that sickness was a sign of insufficient faith rather than part of the normal Christian life.

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As severe as my sickness and suffering were, coming to grips with enduring them while clinging to beliefs that could not sustain me was just as painful. It does not matter how strongly you believe something if it is not true; belief alone does not change reality. I eventually had to admit that I was sincerely wrong about many things.

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Reading the Bible in context saved me during my sickness. It was not a lack of faith that made me sick. It was the years of abuse I had put my body through. Yet even in that pain, God was with me. He was not striking me down. He was holding me up.

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It is written

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I studied Scripture daily, focusing on sickness and suffering. As I read the New Testament it came alive to me and spoke honestly about the reality of illness among believers. Paul told the Galatians that his own sickness was the reason he first preached to them (Galatians 4:13). He later mentioned leaving Trophimus sick in Miletus (2 Timothy 4:20), and Epaphroditus became so ill while serving in ministry that he nearly died (Philippians 2:25–27). Paul also advised Timothy to take a little wine for his frequent stomach problems and ongoing infirmities, a practical instruction rooted in pastoral care rather than a lack of faith (1 Timothy 5:23).

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All of these men were faithful, godly servants who were mightily used by God. Yet Paul never told any of them to claim their healing or suggested that their suffering was the result of weak faith. Instead, Scripture simply says of Epaphroditus, “God had mercy on him” (Philippians 2:27).

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These examples remind us that faith in suffering is not about formulas or spiritual transactions. It is about trusting in God’s mercy, even when healing does not come right away.

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God healed my eyes, I have prayed for people who were healed, and I openly testify that He still heals today. I prayed and believed for healing while also trusting that God would strengthen me in my suffering.

I often reminded myself, live or die, I am the Lord’s. I refused to let sickness destroy my faith. It was my faith that got me through.

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Receiving a Diagnosis

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One block from my apartment was a walk-in clinic where doctors showed real compassion, sending me for blood tests, screenings, and even paying for extra tests that were not covered by the government. They looked for cancer, infections, autoimmune issues, anything that might explain the pain and exhaustion. Every test came back negative.

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Eventually, they referred me to a specialist for chronic fatigue. In 2022, I called the specialist’s office and spoke with a secretary who explained the doctor was fully booked for the year. Hearing that left me devastated. Every morning I woke up crying out to God, asking Him to help me get through one more day.

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After that discouraging phone call, I went back to the clinic. The doctor asked if I had ever taken a sleep test. When I said no, she sent me home with a test for sleep apnea. I reluctantly agreed, feeling hopeless but willing to try anything.

The at-home test confirmed that I had sleep apnea.

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Later, my doctor told me that boxing and repeated head trauma might have contributed to something called CTE, chronic traumatic encephalopathy, a condition associated with repeated concussions. It could not be confirmed while I was alive, but my symptoms and history fit the pattern. I had boxed and kickboxed, been knocked out in the ring, knocked out in street fights, been in car accidents, and experienced drug- and alcohol-related blackouts. All of that, combined with sleep apnea, had been destroying my brain.

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The doctor said the repeated concussions likely made the apnea and fatigue far worse. My oxygen readings showed that my brain was starving night after night. I lived dizzy, exhausted, numb, and overwhelmed. Every day was a fight inside my own body.

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Once I had the diagnosis, I needed a CPAP machine, but I had no money. I was living on seven dollars a day, relying on the food bank every month. I applied to the B.C. government for funding, but four weeks later I was denied. They no longer covered sleep apnea machines.

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I had about three hundred fifty dollars in savings, and I cried myself to sleep that night, wondering how I would survive without treatment. All I could do was trust that somehow God would provide.

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The next morning, I made coffee and started looking online for a used CPAP machine. I found a listing with three machines for around five hundred dollars. I only had three hundred fifty, but I hoped maybe they would barter. I left a message and emailed them, praying something would open up.

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I also began calling sleep clinics. That is when I found a local sleep lab. I phoned and asked if they sold used CPAP machines.

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They replied, “No, sir, but do you want to try one for free?”

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I was stunned.

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They continued, “If you cannot afford one, you can try a machine for a month. If it helps, we will set you up on a payment plan, just a few dollars a month.”

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I practically ran out the door. I picked up my prescription from a local sleep care provider and brought it to a CPAP service center. The staff were kind, but their doctor was not available to calibrate the machine yet. It would be ready in two weeks.

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I walked home, and the moment I stepped inside, the phone rang. It was the seller from the used machine listing. I told them I no longer needed one. As soon as I hung up, the phone rang again.

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This time it was a family member. They knew I had been waiting for government funding, and earlier that day I had emailed to say the funding was denied. When they heard the news, they decided to help me and offered to pay for the machine themselves.

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I called the sleep care provider back immediately. They told me to come pick up a brand-new CPAP machine that same day.

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That night, everything changed. For the first time in years, I could breathe. It felt like life was returning to me.

I believe it was the years of sleep deprivation, my circadian rhythm destroyed, my brain exhausted, my body overwhelmed, that had made me so sick. Healing took time, but God carried me through the darkest season of my life. My health returned. My mind calmed. My body began to repair.

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This was my healing. Not a sudden miracle spoken into existence by the right words. Not proof that I finally had enough faith. It was doctors, tests, a diagnosis, a machine, and the provision of God through people who cared. It was medicine and mercy working together.

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Since receiving my CPAP machine, I have not missed a single night. I actually look forward to putting the mask on because I finally sleep deeply. It took time to adjust, but now I cannot function without it.

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I still rely on a small dose of medication and healthy sleep habits, keeping my room cool, avoiding caffeine late at night, limiting screen time, and going to bed at the same time every evening. Living with the effects of concussions, head trauma, and sleep apnea has taught me to see sleep as sacred.

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Still, I know there may be more going on that has not been diagnosed. I believe God will one day guide me to the doctor who can connect the remaining dots. The struggle has not completely disappeared, but I am grateful for the progress. Maybe one day there will be better answers or even a cure.

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To Those Who Are Suffering

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If you are sick right now, God sees you. You are not forgotten. Your pain does not mean you have failed, and your suffering does not mean God has turned away. He is right there in the middle of it, walking with you through the valley. When I could not see the end, I learned to ask for daily strength.

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No matter how sick I was in the mornings and how bad it got, I made a commitment to start every single day by crawling out of bed and getting onto my knees, asking God to give me the strength for the day. God never left me. He helped me make it through one day at a time.

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I pray for you reading this right now, that God will give you the strength and comfort to get through whatever suffering you are facing.

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Live or die, I am the Lord’s.

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To the Pastors Teaching the Prosperity Gospel

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For the rest of my life, I will speak openly and honestly about the dangers of extreme prosperity teachings. I do this not to tear down the faith of others, but because I have seen firsthand the harm these ideas can cause. I have lived it.

I say this with a shepherd’s heart, not as a critic. My compassion extends even to those who teach these doctrines sincerely, believing they are honoring God. Yet sincerity does not prevent the harm that occurs when believers are led by doctrine that cannot sustain them in suffering.

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My heart breaks for those who struggle under the weight of these teachings, and it also breaks for the shepherds who may not yet recognize the wounds being formed in the lives entrusted to their care.

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So I speak now to you, pastors, as one who has walked through a valley you may not understand. We all celebrate when God heals, and we rejoice in His power to restore. Yet there are many people sitting in your churches today who are sick and suffering quietly.

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I implore you, do not forget the wounded. Teach in a way that makes room for ongoing suffering. Leave space for the believer whose healing has not yet come, so they are not crushed under the added weight of guilt and condemnation when their body does not comply with your interpretation of Scripture.

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Most importantly, repent now before God and before your church. If you repent now, your sheep will accept it. They love you, and they are praying for you too. What they are waiting for is not perfection, but honesty, humility, and a shepherd willing to turn and walk in the light.

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My prayer for you is that the Lord would reveal the truth to you.